16 Days of Action - What is domestic abuse?

16 Days of Action is a campaign to encourage businesses to take action against domestic violence and abuse, by changing the ways in which they work and support their employees. Since 1991, this has been a space for platforms to be utilised and awareness to be raised about this challenging topic.

Here at One-Eighty, we want to take it back to the heart of our work and highlight the impact of domestic abuse on children and young people.

What is domestic abuse?

It’s a common misconception that domestic violence is only about causing physical harm in a romantic partnership. Abusive behaviour can include emotional, physical or financial abuse among other forms of control, and can be a part of any relationship including adults or children as the perpetrators. It’s also a myth that only those directly impacted suffer the effects of the abuse. Witnessing abuse in or out of the home can have just as lasting an impact.

What are the signs of abuse in young people?

These are wide-ranging, and don’t always mean that the young person is experiencing or witnessing abuse. However, a child may; become withdrawn; seek more attention than usual; develop issues with sleep and/or bed wetting; have trouble learning; exhibit antisocial behaviour; or become aggressive themselves. Any concerns about a child’s behaviour should always be taken seriously and investigated.

Where can young people and families get help?

There are a range of resources available to support both victims and perpetrators of abuse to break the cycle. Childline and the NSPCC offer some great resources and support for young people.

What’s the real impact?

Scroll on for Nathan’s story. This is not representative of an actual young person - it’s a fictional account based on One-Eighty’s experiences of working with a number of young people affected by domestic abuse.

Nathan - 15 years old:

I remember some really happy times from when I was little. It wasn’t always bad, but now I’m older I think that made it worse because I really looked up to my parents and wanted more nice experiences with them.

When they both worked, I got to spend lots of time with our neighbours playing with other kids and Mum and Dad would take us on these amazing trips at the weekend, when they had money to spend. The seaside was my favourite. I spent ages digging a massive hole in the sand and we ate loads of candyfloss! That stopped when Dad lost his job.

He was really moody all the time and we didn’t have a lot of money any more. Plus we couldn’t go anywhere at the weekends because Mum was always drinking and I often had to make sure she was safe because she fell asleep in weird places and cried a lot.

They never hit me or anything. I didn’t realise it was abuse. But they always shouted a lot at me and each other, saying really horrible things. Mum would say I was a waste of space just like Dad and didn’t deserve nice things any more. He started staying away more and more and Mum would ring him making lots of threats. She didn’t pay the bills sometimes so I couldn’t do my homework in the dark and I was scared. When Dad did come home, he would help me finish it and he’d get the electric sorted, but then they’d argue again.

I was only 7 and I used to hide under my bed to get away from it all.

I first started getting into trouble at school because I couldn’t concentrate and I was tired all the time. My anger got really bad and I didn’t know how to control it. I couldn’t control anything about my life.

Luckily my teachers knew the signs that something was wrong and encouraged me to talk about it. I lived with another family for a while but my parents got help too, so now I live with my Dad and I still see my Mum for visits.

I think a big part of changing my life was people helping me to see that all this wasn’t my fault. I thought that I could only ever end up like my parents and didn’t believe I deserved more than that.

I still love them and now I’m older, I see that they had lots of difficult things to handle, but I would do things differently when I’m an adult. I would tell other kids like me to talk to someone about what’s happening and don’t stop until it stops.

If you are affected by this information and would like to access further support, there are helplines available for young people, families and adults.

Childline:

0800 1111 or

Contact them online at - https://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/1-2-1-counsellor-chat/

NSPCC:

0808 800 5000

National Domestic Abuse Helpline:

0808 2000 247