Grief advice for young people and their families
Speak about the person that has died.
Children can pick up on feelings, even those that we think are well hidden. They can worry that it will upset someone they love if they mention the person who has died and this can lead to them bottling up their feelings, and their grief becoming too much for them.
Share books.
Books can be a fantastic way to approach a topic or share our feelings and thoughts. At the end of this post, you can download 5 book suggestions about ‘grief and remembering those we have lost’ that would be perfect to share as a family.
Think about the language used around grief.
It may seem kinder to tell a young person that someone has ‘gone to sleep’ or we have ‘lost them’ but this can be confusing for children - they may think the person can be found again or become scared when others they are close to go to sleep at night.
Once someone has died, there will be a lot of questions and it may help you to think of how you will answer these. It is ok to say you are not sure or you don’t know and to share with your young person how you are feeling. Children learn by seeing how others act, making mistakes and being guided. This article about the understanding of death that children of different ages have might be useful - https://www.winstonswish.org/do-children-understand-death/
Create a memory box
This can be a special way to feel connected to the person we are grieving for. Young people can often worry that when someone dies, they will forget them and the memories they shared will slip away. In a memory box, they have somewhere to go to re-connect with that person and all the good times they had with them. The time spent making the memory box can be as special as having it to treasure afterwards. It can give those grieving time to talk positively about the person that has died.
Discuss grief as an emotion and answer questions honestly.
Children need to know that they don’t have to experience grief in a certain way. They may cry a lot, a little or not at all. They may feel more tired or enjoy thinking and talking about the person who has died because they find it comforting. All of these emotions are expressions of grief and there is no right way to grieve. It can help to create a support network around your young person so they know who else they can talk to about their grief.
Here are some places you can find additional support:
https://www.rainbowtrust.org.uk/